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The Followers of If Then Else
Welcome, weary web traveler, to the doorstep of the Followers of If Then Else. Our group exists to inform the ignorant masses of the three true gods in our universe: If, Then and Else. Please choose a subsection below and become enlightened to our noble following. Information on joining may be found at the bottom of this webpage, but, please, read all the content below to better understand our ways.
Update: Sister Aura was kind enough to donate her website domain to us. However, she requested that we maintain the old material here.

Origin | The Structured Scriptures | The Gods: If, Then and Else | Gatherings | Joining

Origin Origin
The core of our group did not find enlightenment all at once. The first man to stumble upon the true secret of the universe was Brother Arcturus. While Brother Arcturus was coding a rather mundane shopping cart software package, the number of decision structures required seemed to grow exponentially. Days and nights of coding wore heavily on Brother Arcturus' brow, slowly invading his every dream and waking hour. It was during his fourth decision structure oriented dream that he received a vision from the god Else. Brother Arcturus will not to this day speak of what he saw, but, shortly after recovering from a minor case of insanity, he wrote the Structured Scriptures. The Structured Scriptures laid the foundation of our beliefs ultimately leading to the formation of the Followers of If Then Else.

The Structured Scriptures The Structured Scriptures
The Structured Scriptures form the basis of our beliefs. They are only available to those who have joined us and thus are not available online.

If The Gods: If
If is the god of the first determination. She carefully weighs evidence and fact to formulate a final judgment. She is reason, logic and, above all, the one who brings balance. It is written that If created the initial version of the cosmos through balancing the immensely complex equation of life and death (what we refer to as the Ultimate Balance). Earth and many of the other habitable worlds in the heavens were created through this process. If is still perfecting the Ultimate Balance, and it is written that the universe will become an eternal utopia once a final balance is achieved.

Then The Gods: Then
Then is a minor god in the grand scheme but still plays a vital role in the workings of our universe. After If makes a determination, it is Then's obligated duty to carry out her instructions. Then may not appear to have a will of his own, but he often interprets his sister If's wishes slightly differently than she intended. It is through Then's actions that the number of inhabitable worlds is out of balance with those that are - a mistake he endeavors to correct eternally. According to the Structured Scripture, once If brings perfect balance to the universe, Then's role will end, and he will become one with the universe he aided in creating.

Else The Gods: Else
Else is the chaos that ensues from lack of judgment. When Then cannot execute If's wishes, Else steps in. It is Else that is responsible for the random assortment of spacial phenomena in the heavens and for the unexplained events in our lives. He also is connected with what many refer to as "Murphy's Law" (which we simply label "Else's Law"). The Structured Scriptures indicate that when the universe achieves true balance, Else will no longer be chaotic but instead will carry out that which Then could not and bring the universe to its final form. But, for the time being, Else is a god to be wary of and trust little.

Gatherings Gatherings
The Followers of If Then Else meet on the occurrence of a full or new moon at an undisclosed location. Specific information about the topics covered in our gatherings is available at prior meetings to members only.
Our next meeting is April 8, 2005. Members: Please remember to bring your designated desert items for the evening's initiates. Special seasonings will be provided on site.

Joining Joining
Joining the Followers of If Then Else is not a matter to be taken lightly. Further, you can not simply ask to become a member. We have logged your IP address and already obtained your personal information. After a thorough background check (including current faith and career), we may extend an invitation to you in a period not exceeding two weeks. At the time of acceptance, you will be taken at an unknown time to an unknown location to undergo initiation. What occurs after that will be up to you.

If you have any questions concerning our faith, please do not e-mail or contact us in any format. The information presented on this webpage is the limitation that we are allowed to discuss with non-members according to the Structured Scriptures.

if then else was formed by Brother Arcturus but is © 2002-2009 by Fading Aura. All rights reserved. Do not redistribute without permission, or we will send the god Else after you.
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